Just when I thought the days after MST are gonna be great.

I've been having headaches for quite a few days now. For all i know, it must've been the stress of MST, or just probably my specs degree ain't suited for me anymore. But maybe not. My MSTs are over & done with, & I've checked my eye power & its just perfectly fine. The headaches even got worst as the hours passed by.



Ouhh. Why ofcoz. What else could it be?



I can't believe im saying this, but I would rather be dealing with the stress of MST, than dealing with these feelings. Surprisingly, I even enjoyed the former.

Sometimes I couldn't understand myself. One moment, I dont give a hoot about it at all, the next thing I know I'll be fuming in rage. I guess this is the time when I start to look back & make sense of everything again. But I'm sure there're reasons behind all those moodswings, as I've found out later on tonite.

My head was throbbing all the way. Stiff neck & shoulders weren't helping at all. Cracking my neck was like a routine. I couldnt' be that stress, I thought to myself.

& it doesnt help that my mum had to mention abt it this afternoon. My hand literally trembled at the mention of the name. Trembled, not with fear, but with hatred, anger, fume.

Well, let see what this fuss is all abt. I constantly bottle up things inside & it isnt doing good fr me rite nw. So now I'm letting it flow before it bursts into explosives. I might still have some of it in me. Yes, I am the type who's easy to forgive but not necessarily the type who's easy to forget. & i highly detest ppl who ya ya talk like real just to get what he wanted.

Disgusted. Disgusted by the fact that whatever people had been saying all this while were clearly true. Disgusted that he ain't practicing what he preach. Disgusted that he's acting just the same way as those guys he kept cricising about. Disgusted by how his decisions are made based on emotions rather than on rational thoughts. Disgusted by how quick his love changed in a blink of an eye. & knowing that he's close to one of the most respected person I've known, he should have behaved better, no? Sometimes I do wonder, what is this man searching for anyway? Is it love, or simply lust? As much as I dont wanna admit it, I'm damn positive it seems more to the latter. Loyalty doesnt seems to exist in his dictionary somehow, as I've found out what really happened in the past. It's the same old story, wasn't it?

Embarrased. Embarrased by his lowly actions. Sometimes I asked, what was he even thinking? Apa gaknye ehk perasaan dier buat bende gini. Embarrased by what other people thought of him. Although it doesn't affect me much, but whenever I heard stuffs, I just felt like covering this head with a paper bag or sth. "baru break ngn ko then dh kua ngn pompan laen.like wtf uh." Embarassed by his lack of guts. What guts? Yea coz the only solution in solving a minute problem with the kin is by letting go. An easy way out I suppose. I was surprised he didn't even stand up for me. Wow, what a hero. If I were in his shoes, I would have done the same thing too I suppose..since I've alrdy have another replacement in mind. Bercinta ngan fyqa leceh ah. Cari lain pun cantik, da de target pon. Well that sounds fair enough.

Hah wow..Fyqa finally spill it out for the world to read. Don't you realise your mistakes at all, I wonder? I wonder if the family are even aware of this. Well, surprisingly my headache's gone after getting to know abt it. & I'm right again. I guess it's woman's instinct. But mine extra strong. Hah.

Ohh well, tmr's gonna be one helluva day. Will be meeting people from my past all in a day's outing. Former-colleague, babes etc. Gonna get real crazy tmr(:

Ouhh & before i go, I've one last thing to show.
























8:47 PM